Two

Two fish swim into a wall, one turns to the other and says "dam!"
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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says to the other, "is it hot in here or is it just me?"The other goes "AHHHH!! A talking muffin!!"
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Two atoms walking down the street bump into each other. One says "I've lost an electron!!" the other asks "are you sure?" the first says "yes, i'm positive"
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Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant.

"I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines." pr0p3rty0fahaj0kes

"Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"
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For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues, "he announced to them, "I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes,"said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "You want to do it again?" And he replied, "Yes, very much. But this time lets switch positions, you hold the pigeon down and I'll poop on its head."
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